


Memories

by storytimewritings



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, F/M, Philinda - Freeform, Philinda 24 Kisses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-06 21:58:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5432291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storytimewritings/pseuds/storytimewritings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the 2015 Philinda 24 Kisses!</p>
<p>Follows on from the reunion scene in Maveth.</p>
<p>Summary:</p>
<p>After the safe return of the team at the end of Maveth, Melinda May relives the memories of the past as she reflects on her relationship with Coulson and an awakening hope for the future. Partly canon compliant.</p>
<p>Mostly bittersweet, but a little more uplifting towards the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> This is a first attempt at an idea I’ve had for a Philinda fic which isn’t fully formed yet, and as such, whilst the story is given an ending, it’s something I want to expand on in the future. So it’s not a complete narrative of what I want as of yet.

They’re safe, is all May can think as Mack’s words hit home. As the truth of them, and the mere fact that he’s alive, can attest.

Her team, her family, is safe.

It’s a hard concept for her to wrap her head around. After everything they’ve been through, after everyone they’ve lost, it’s almost impossible to even contemplate the possibility of them all getting through this. The seconds, minutes since this revelation are just as difficult to pin down. The blur of smiles and laughter from the rest of the team are all she can process for now. That, and they’re safe.

They are safe.

Relief floods her face as each member of the team steps out. As Mack is greeted by a beaming Bobbi and Hunter, as a relieved Daisy makes a beeline towards Lincoln. As Fitz steps out and watches Simmons. Surrounded by this overwhelming joy, May cannot help but be overcome by it. By the incredible miracle she is witnessing.

Her family is whole once more. It’s been a long time since she’s thought of the team as being a whole family. Not since Trip’s death, at least. But watching Daisy and Lincoln reunited, enjoying the bliss of a newfound relationship and unmarred by the destruction of Hydra, May realises that she is happy. The first time she’s been sincerely happy since she learned the truth about Andrew. The happiness exuding from both Daisy and Lincoln reminds her of the joy she once experienced with Andrew, but it mostly reminds her of the importance of new beginnings. And she promises herself that will take every advantage of them moving forward.

They are safe.

But it is her best friend she reaches out for. The man she has always loved, will always love. She doesn’t even care to compartmentalise her emotions in this case. They were so close to being separated by planets, that she cannot even begin to care how her reaction is taken. All she knows is that he is safe, and they are together again.

He is safe.

She knows that there is something that Coulson is not telling them. She can see it in the look in his eyes, in the way that Fitz looks at him. Melinda May is no fool. But in this moment, she cannot find it in herself to care. Coulson’s secrets can be dissected later. The events of the past few hours can be dissected later. In this moment, all that matters is them. All that matters is their fight is over. At least for now.

Whatever happened on that alien planet, she can see that some of the pain from the loss of Rosalind has faded from his eyes. Someway, somehow, he has started to move forward. In the smallest of steps. From experience, May knows that these first steps are the hardest of all. After all, she has lost Andrew countless times now. If anyone can understand Coulson’s pain in losing Rosalind, she can. If anyone can help him to keep moving forward, she can.

He is safe.

Arms wrapped around Coulson, May inhales deeply. Before Mack’s announcement, she thought that she had lost him forever, that they could never be together again. She has lost Andrew so many times, but she doesn’t think she could ever bear to lose Phil Coulson again. After Bahrain, after New York, after Raina, after Ward and Garrett, she has been forced to simply watch as she lost Coulson over and over again. Her best friend. For a long time, her only real friend.

Back in the Academy, she had noticed Phil Coulson from the beginning. From his incessant excitement over joining SHIELD, the very SHIELD that Peggy Carter had founded, to his wardrobe almost completely made up of Captain America t-shirts, Coulson stood out. It was these qualities which were sometimes the subject of derision by the other recruits, but May had always been fascinated by Coulson’s sharp intellect and determination in every class. There was a calmness and sense of purpose which surrounded him, and so she had initially cultivated his friendship as one intent on dominating the rest of the recruits in their classes.

A friendship initially formed out of a desire to succeed in her chosen career soon blossomed intro real affection for the man who always put others before himself, who was just as determined as she to make a difference in the world. As best friends, they made the best of partners, with different but complementary skill sets and an innate sense of each other which allowed them to succeed where others had failed.

Whilst their present is full of suffering from the holes left by Andrew and Rosalind, their past reminds her of the hope they both once shared. More than anything else however, May remembers the night before their graduation. A night of hopes and dreams and longing and frustration. And of love. Of the kind of love she had long since given up hope on.

She had asked him to stay, that night before graduation. Their combined excitement in the promise of tomorrow had left no room for sleep. And he had laid in bed beside her, softly stroking her cheeks and gazing into her eyes. In this moment, she had truly understood the significance of the rest of their lives. At the Academy, they were always together. They were partners and the best of friends, but even their synchronicity together was hardly enough to ensure that they would work together as agents. So she had seized the moment, eyes never leaving his, she pressed her lips softly to his. She had no doubt of his reciprocation. They were inevitable.

They part briefly, and she feels as if Coulson is staring into the very depths of her soul. She is more open now than she has ever been, and will ever be, and it feels as if he knows every part of her being. The second time they kiss, it is heated, and full of longing and desire, and something else that she can’t put her finger on.

The next morning, in the light of the day, she realises what she had missed. He is gone from her bed, and they greet each other in the halls as if that night had never happened. Because officially, it never did. Because if they are to become agents today, they cannot let this change who they are and what they do. They can’t let it mean anything. So it is better to forget.

Holding Coulson tight now, May relives these old memories, so many she had chosen to push to the back of her mind, for fear of unintentionally acknowledging that her feelings had not changed. She is still mourning Andrew, and he is still mourning Rosalind. But today’s events have reminded her of that hope they had once shared back in the Academy. So they will mourn, and she will wait. But they are inevitable.

He is safe.


End file.
